Damn Rug

The old rug in the living room had to go. After trying to stand up to 4 humans and 3 Hellhounds for many years it was finally past its sell by date. Also, rather strangely, either the rug was shrinking or the damage to the wood floor was growing - my poor threadbare carpet simply couldn't handle the pressure anymore.

Good Floor

Bad Floor a few months later - And that's the best part.

So…time for a new rug. How exciting! After salivating over a multitude of fabulous floor coverings that cost the price of a small island, I finally found 'it' online. The perfect rug; a lovely design, large enough to cover the offending area of the floor, and, best of all - cheap!

As I counted down the days to delivery my excitement started to build. That's when it happened. Doubts (fueled by both myself and a couple of online coworkers) started to set in. What if it has a huge stain in the middle? This soon turned into possible blood stains and the use of a black light to detect criminal activity, or even a dead body rolled up in the rug. What if the delivery man is actually a serial killer using the rug as a cover? They say that the mind works in mysterious ways and I am living proof of that.

Full on panic attack and there was a knock on the door; the rug of doom had arrived. The serial killer turned out to just be a delivery man, and the rug didn't appear to have any body parts protruding from either end. We were in business! Furniture moved, old rug rolled up and it was time for the big reveal. 

Good Rug

For a moment I thought my eyes were deceiving me - the rug was exquisite in every way. With the humans and hellhounds banished to another room, I stared for a minute at this work of art gracing my floor…and then panicked. The pee problem. I haven't previously mentioned that the old rug seemed to have 'feel free to cock your leg on me' written all over it. No matter what magic potion I sprayed to deter the hounds from using it as their own personal potty, nothing worked. My beautiful rug would be 'marked' as their territory as soon as they thought my back was turned.

Resigned to the fact that this had disaster written all over it I opened the kitchen door and the three of them bounded in. And stopped. Right at the edge of the beautiful new rug. After a little coaxing I managed to get Col and Penny to lay a paw on the new arrival, but Archie was having none of it. Even a carefully placed dog bone in the center of the rug wouldn't entice him.

That's when it hit me; my beautiful rug didn't contain a dead body as I had expected. Oh no, it was even worse…the rug was possessed. A Demonic rug. Fabulous. Upon closer inspection it struck me that the pattern in the center looked a little odd. In fact, if I tilted my head and squinted a little, it almost resembled…well I'm not going to say it, but suffice to say it involved flames, horns and a forked tail. Remember when I mentioned how my mind works? There you have it - a perfect example!

You see it don't you? You don't? Damn rug...

Time to get a second opinion. Who should I ask? The family? My neighbors? No, I don't want to give anyone the impression that I might be a little crazy. I know! My online co-workers - the ones who planted the seed in the first place! It was a resounding "yes - you are now the proud owner of a Demonic rug." 

This actually made sense. The dogs had now ventured onto the damn rug, but they would only circle the edges, avoiding the center. And even worse, they had yet to cock their leg on it. Something was very wrong here. After consulting with experts (yes…the online co-workers), the general consensus was that dog urine is the only way to exorcise a Demonic rug. Unfortunately, the Hellhounds had suddenly gone from peeing machines to sufferers of Shy Bladder Syndrome.

Even with a full bladder and the fear of Beelzebub - Penny managed to have forty winks.

Trying to sleep that night was rather difficult to say the least. It's not easy when you have 3 pacing, non-peeing Hellhounds and a Devil in your living room. The next day nothing had changed, other than the fact that I wouldn't step foot on the rug, which made life difficult because it took up nearly the entire room. Archie took it upon himself to take up residence on the forbidden chair, eyeballing the center of the rug from afar.

The Dead Eye

When that didn't work he gave up and went back to bed...

See...this is sensible when you have a Demonic Rug

Days went by, still no peeing. By this point I wouldn't have been surprised if the Demonic rug started levitating and Archie's head twisted 360º. Then it started shedding. Wait -maybe I can vacuum the Devil away! Or is the Devil already trying to escape from the center of the rug? That can't be good…

I thought about giving away my once beautiful but now possessed rug; unfortunately you don't get many takers when they are already aware of its 'special' properties. So that was that - my house was doomed. Then it happened. For some reason, (I blame the wind, but the co-workers had other suggestions), the bathroom door suddenly slammed shut. Penny woke up (highly unusual), Col began to growl and a snarling Archie promptly peed on the rug. Finally! My rug had been exorcised!

Then someone helpfully pointed out that the Devil had now taken up residence in the bathroom…..